Week 3: Praying Together and Growing as a Spiritual Team

Hello friends, and welcome back to Grace in the Middle. This week, I want to focus on marriage—specifically, how powerful it can be when we learn to pray with our spouse.

Ryan and I have been married for 12 years now. Sometimes it feels like a lifetime, and other times it feels like we’re still newlyweds trying to figure it all out. Funny how that works, right?

Our marriage hasn’t always been strong. In fact, we’ve had seasons where things felt fragile, broken, or distant. If you want to read more about our journey and what we’ve walked through, you can find that on our About Us page. But one thing I’ve learned—and keep learning—is that every marriage has its own set of struggles. We’re constantly growing, changing, and facing new challenges. And how we face those things—with or without our spouse—can either draw us closer together or slowly pull us apart.

Prayer Changes Things

Did you know studies show that couples who pray together daily have only about a 1% chance of ending in divorce? That number is staggering—and incredibly hopeful. But I’ll be honest, that kind of spiritual intimacy didn’t come naturally in our marriage.

There was a time when I longed—really longed—for Ryan to pray with me. I didn’t want it to just be over a meal. I wanted to go deeper. I cried out to God, asking Him to stir that same desire in Ryan. It hurt not having it. Later, in our healing process, Ryan shared that he struggled to pray with me because of his secret addiction. He feared that his brokenness would be exposed in those moments of intimacy with God.

That was eye-opening.
Prayer is incredibly intimate, and sometimes that level of spiritual vulnerability—even with your spouse—feels scary. But when you can begin to pray together, even in simple ways, something beautiful begins to shift. There’s unity. There’s honesty. There’s healing.

What Does Spiritual Leadership Look Like?

Not long ago, Ryan and I had a conversation about what it means for a husband to be the spiritual leader of the home. I had my ideas, and he had his. Turns out they were a little different—which led to a really great discussion about our expectations, hopes, and desires. And now we’re learning to walk that out together.

Scripture doesn’t give us a checklist for spiritual leadership like it does with the Ten Commandments. But if you look closely, it’s there—woven throughout the Word:

📖 Scripture on Spiritual Leadership:

• Ephesians 5:25–26
  “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy...”
  → Leadership rooted in sacrificial love and spiritual care.

• 1 Peter 3:7
  “Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect...”
  → Leadership that involves honor, understanding, and partnership.

• Deuteronomy 6:6–7
  “These commandments... are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home...”
  → Leading by example—faith woven into everyday life.

• Joshua 24:15
  “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
  → A bold declaration of spiritual direction and commitment.

• Colossians 3:19
  “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
  → Leadership marked by gentleness and love, not control.

I share all this because I know I’m not alone. I know there are other wives praying, hoping, and longing for their husband to lead spiritually—or to simply be willing to grow together in prayer. And I want you to know: your prayers matter. Your heart matters. You are not alone.

Marriage is messy and beautiful and holy. Keep showing up. Keep the conversation open. Keep asking God to teach you both what it looks like to lead, follow, and walk together.

And maybe—just maybe—start with a simple prayer together.
Even just one line. Even just a whisper.

You never know what that one moment might unlock.

With love and hope,
Joanna